Thursday, March 18, 2010

A positive outlook.

Two years ago almost to the day Justin deployed for the first time. We were on shaky ground in our marriage before he left. A lot had happened in the VERY short 2 years we had been married. Within the first 13 months of marriage we were: married, in the Marines, with a new preemie baby. So as you can imagine it was tough. On top of all that I had a huge resentment problem towards Justin. He was living his dream job, have a social life, and coming home to a family who catered to him. I had no friends. We were the only one of his friends that were married. Again, it was tough. We weren't really walking with the Lord. I certainly didn't have the desire to submit to him or serve him more than making his meals and cleaning his laundry.
When I was in Florida during the deployment it felt like I was on a 7 month vacation from my real life. I still had a child to tend to, but I could come and go as I pleased without a care in the world. I had a great friend open her doors to us and let us stay in her house free of charge. (Still to this day I try to figure out ways to repay them for all their generosity...) When we reunited that early cold October morning, 7 LONG months after he had left, I was unsure how our life together would pan out. We weren't involved in any church so counseling was kinda out of the question, plus we (mainly me) were to prideful to ask for him. "We can do it on our own" was my motto!
Since the beginning of the year Justin and I have made a very honest effort to make God #1 in our lives. We have come sooo far in just the short 3.5 months. I am learning new things ALL the time and just love the Lord so much and am so grateful He never gave up on us (me).
This deployment was much scarier for me than Iraq was. Maybe because 2 years ago I was naive or I just didn't care... I really don't know. I do know that I don't want to live my life without Justin. He is one of my pillars of strength when I am crumbling (I say one of because Jesus is my main man.... but Justin is my physical strength..) We were able to spend nearly 16 months of uninterrupted time together. It was fantastic! We grew more in love with each other. Learned SO much more about on another..... Just the thought of loosing him makes tears well up in my eyes.
I am not focusing on the negative though. I firmly believe we will get through this, together, stronger than ever! The Bible says "Take captive every thought." And that is what I am doing. I will not let Satan have any reign over my thoughts, actions, or words. I want to happily glorify God in good times and happily glorify God in the hard times. After all, HE happily died on the cross for me....
I got to talk to Justin tonight. It wasn't a long talk, but being able to hear his voice and know that he is doing well and not just saying he is, comforts me. Elijah and I are really doing good. Adapting to being a single parent again took a day or so to get use to, but I've got the hang of it... and really who am I kidding, Elijah is the one who had to get use to being with me all day! HA!!! He does miss his daddy and asks about him often and when he's mad at me he says he's gonna go tell daddy.
Today we cleaned. And by we, I mean we! My sweet boy helped me dust and vacuum! I am so sad that he isn't a baby anymore, but I am really really loving this age! (Momma Cate, I told you I wanted to figure out how to keep him 2, I think I'm gonna switch it to 3!) He rode his bike today without my help... Man, what a milestone! Six months ago he couldn't do that... Now I have to run to keep up with him! I am trying my best to capture these moments with pictures.. Especially for his dad! So I'm gonna go, but here are a few I shot today.


  1. I relate so much to your post! Stay strong and remember me and other board girls are always here for support

  2. I can tell you are a very strong woman, and your posts are so inspiring - I love reading them!

  3. You're a very strong woman and I look up to you as well. I am here for you. Elijah is sooo adorable! He can come over anytime to clean for me =)

  4. I love you sweet sister and it is so exciting to see what the Lord is doing in both of your lives...and my nephew seriously couldn't be any cuter.